Today is unmolded clay

Today I woke up with no set thing to do, no schedule or appointments and felt as if I "should" have one.  Right now I am unemployed so the days sort of blend together.  It's funny how much of an influence a job can have on my feeling of purpose.  But I am choosing to see it as a luxury I may have longed for on a busy hectic day in the past.  It IS all in how we see our life isn't it?

A year or two ago my days were crammed with so many things to do I could hardly think clearly.  In fact, I don't know how I kept such a frantic pace.  So many appointments, meetings, phone calls, plus my hourly customer service job.  I set my intention for a more peaceful, less dramatic life back then and here I am a couple years later where I wanted to be.  Of course there were many decisions to make on the way and work involved in changing how I approached my life.  It wasn't easy.  It was a collaboration of teaming up with my mom.  We didn't have much time together when I was a child so we joke about making up for it now.  She moved from California to North Dakota to help me and my little family through crisis.  We live together now and spend so much of our time together, I love it!

Today I may feel like I am supposed to be doing something to busy myself because my past self was so incredibly busy; beyond normal busy.  Today I am choosing to look at my day as unmolded clay.  My life is an art project and I can create something new every day.  Some days I will fill to the brim with what matters to me at that time.  Other days may drift by like a steady slow stream making its way to its source.  Of course I must pay bills and survive like everyone else and right now the bills are paid.  So I am blessed and lucky that my search does not need to be frantic.  In this economy I am not seeking to define my life by what I do to make a living.  I am more than what I do to make money.  We all are.  I seek meaning and fulfillment by reaching out and expressing myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I am job searching but I am also feeding my soul with time and peace.  I spend time with my mom and my son.  I spend time with my youngest daughter.  I spend time rebuilding a relationship with my older daughter.  I spend time reading wisdom from blogs and friends on Facebook.  I watch the Hallmark Channel and enjoy happy tears.  I am crafting my life each day from the unmolded clay I start out with.  Today my day is like a wandering stream.  What will it be tomorrow?  I will work the clay and discover it as I go.